you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
