i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
