I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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