I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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