I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
