We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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