I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
