conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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