My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
