the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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