Soap is not a condiment
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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