and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
