a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
