So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
