My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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