There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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