This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
