careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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