well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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