I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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