she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
