I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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