I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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