So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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