at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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