Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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