just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
