Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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