When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
