i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
