If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
