you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
