it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
