do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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