I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
