Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
