I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
