she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
