i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
