New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i believe in u and ur pee
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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