well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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