He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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