So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Everyone says I win the strip club
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
