haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Jerry, you need to find god
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
