I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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