last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
