Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just high enough for therapy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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