Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
