I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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