my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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