just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
