she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
