He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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