But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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