do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
