so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
